Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
