dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
