So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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