yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
