i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
