My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
