it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
