I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
