i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
