It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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