First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
