I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
