I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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