but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
