went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
