I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Randomize
