Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
