I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
