I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
