Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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