Have you finally orgasmed yet?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
