being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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