Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
We have started to decorate penises.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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