Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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