Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
