There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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