I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
