she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
