And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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