I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
