All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
