I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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