Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
