I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
