Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
