So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
