I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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