I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
