she said she was living bicuriously through me.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
