Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
