I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
