Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
