and you said cock pushups were impossible
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
