I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
