Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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