I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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