we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
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