I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
