i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
