ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
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