My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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