Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
We smell like vodka and hangover
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