Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
