I'm drive I can fine osifer
I wanna passion pit in your ass
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I need moral support for this bender
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
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